Setting Boundaries

Let me start by saying that this is one of my worst skills. I'm writing this because I know it is a personal struggle that directly impacts my journey from cluttered chaos to a minimalist lifestyle. Even if people in your life are supporting your goals, they can get in your way by eating up your time and energy. Likewise, you can set out with the best plans to get things done, and not set proper boundaries with yourself to avoid distraction. Boundaries are essential for change.

Let me share with you a recent occurrence of a  personal boundary issue, that I encountered...

Just this week, a family member hijacked my day off from work. I had made plans with them, to get together around noon for an activity. At 11:15am they called me to say that they needed to run across town (something they had planned to do before we got together, but their day ran behind). I was concerned, with this added errand, that our visit would go past my available time. They knew that I needed to be wrapped up and leaving by 3 p.m.

I gave them the choice: I could come with them on their drive and we could visit in the car, or they could call me when they were back on this side of town and we would see what time there was left. They opted to have me visit with them on their drive. So at noon, I pulled into their driveway and joined them in their car to set off.

We were driving an hour out, in lunchtime traffic, but I wasn't too concerned because we had three hours total to get there and back before I needed to leave. They decided to stop off for some food on the way, so we went inside a fast food place for a quick bite. After that we arrived at our destination.

After waiting for about 20 minutes, I was surprised when this family member turned to me, and stated that they were "thinking we should just visit here for a couple hours before we head back."

Originally, they were supposed to be out in this area earlier in the day, dropping something off, and then they were going to come back and pick it up in the evening... But because things got so delayed, they figured we would just stick around and bring the item back in one trip.

When I looked down at my phone to check the time, I realize that it was already 5 minutes before 3pm. I was absolutely shocked that they had completely violated the time limit I had given our visit, and beyond that, they assumed I could stay longer!

Now, I was across town by an hour, without a vehicle of my own, and way off schedule. I let them know that this was not going to be an option, and in fact I was running late for my own schedule. They quickly adjusted, and we ran an errand for me on the way back to my car. But I did not end up returning to my vehicle until 4:30pm, but I didn't make it home again until after 5pm.

I was exhausted following this visit, so when I got home, I took a nap. After I woke up, my husband and I had dinner and attempted to reclaim our schedule that evening. But things had been pushed so much later then we had planned, that there were several things we weren't able to accomplish. I was upset with myself that I had allowed my day to be taken over - especially when I had so clearly set limitations and boundaries with this person going in! Moving forward, I decided that I'm not comfortable allowing this person to be in charge of transportation during future visits.

Boundaries with Others

Has something like this ever happened to you? People will treat you as you teach them to treat you. If someone is used to you being available for a favor, or to talk on the phone, or to cover a shift at work... they will expect that you are still going to be available in these ways, even if you're working on your own things. Most of the time, it's not malicious when people get in your way. But bear in mind, this doesn't change the fact that they are getting in the way.

If you do have someone who is actively not supporting your lifestyle changes, it may be necessary to keep your progress to yourself. Maybe you just don't share your journey with that person. And perhaps our would be a good idea to take a moment to analyze why they would not be supportive of that change... do they fear that you will no longer need them? Are they worried you will fail? Do they worry that you are going to become a better person and outgrow them?

The changes that you decide to make in your life, and the path that you take, is for you. Don't let anybody else define how you live your life. Suggestions are great, and we all want support, but we don't need approval to go after the things we want in our own lives.

Finding Focus for Yourself 

In my process, it is very easy for me to imagine the lifestyle that I want, but it can be difficult to take steps toward creating that vision. It's not just the exhaustion of sorting through things, it can be just as difficult to schedule a block of time for these tasks.

I find it works best to set my phone to airplane mode, and put on a timer, so I can focus on what I need to accomplish without interruption. Otherwise, right as I get started - I'll receive a call from my my mother, then my best friend will message me, and I'll end up pulled into everyone else's day. I do make a point to message my husband, so he knows I'm not available for a limited time frame, but other than that I try to block things out that can wait. My priority is the task in front of me.

If I'm wanting to play music, I'll download a playlist on Spotify and go offline. I try not to listen to podcasts or audio books while I'm sorting, because it distracts my focus. I save those for cleaning tasks only, but it's all personal preference. Use what works for you, as long as it's actually working. (ie, folding laundry in front of the TV may only be a good idea if it's the last thing you're planning to do before you relax that evening)

Boundaries with Yourself

You can also get in your own way of progress. If your tasks are overwhelming, or if you don't set them as a priority, you may find yourself doing other things instead of progressing on your projects of decluttering, exercising, or any other goals you are pursuing. Be honest with yourself. Know when you are feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated, and give yourself the chance to analyze what will work best in that moment. Sometimes breaking down a task into a super simple project, like sorting out one small drawer, can be enough to get over that hump. Sometimes you may need to walk away for a moment and do a bit of self-care.

Really be honest with yourself about what activities recharge you versus distracting you from what you don't want to face. If you sit down and read a book or magazine for 10 minutes, you're going to feel different than if you watch a TV show. Some other great options are to meditate for 15 minutes, or go for a short walk, or take a 20-min nap. Self-care might be all you need to reset and come back to your task at hand.

I find that it is helpful to set a timer, giving myself no more than 30 minutes to do something else, then I check it with how I'm feeling. Try not to nap for longer than 20 or 40 minutes, and often following rest with a healthy snack can reenergize. If you feel like you need to sleep longer than that, maybe you need to look at how well you are sleeping each night. Sleep deprivation can really suck at your energy reserves. 

For more information on how to set boundaries, feel free to check out these other articles and blogs:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries

*Please note, I do NOT own the rights to images used in THIS blog post. 
For credit, please contact me.*

Kitchen - Pt. 3

Focus: Organizing the Kitchen Nook & Canned Food Drawers

Last week, I focused on cleaning up a space to store our medicine. We've been keeping everything in a large bag for the moment, but that's not really functional or nice to look at. So I began with sorting thru our canned goods and reorganizing the top drawer for medicine and vitamins. 

I was left with a small selection of items that didn't fit top drawer, so I mixed those in with the small tray that's tucked under our new coffee cabinet. I had a few items that needed to be thrown away, but overall it just needed to be combined  and reorganized. Afterward, I was left with an empty bag to use, a clear table nook, and a few more coffee items for the coffee tray. 

More to come soon!

In this current week, I have been focusing on trying to commit a half-hour daily on cleaning the kitchen. I'm not sure how I got off schedule, but I haven't been committing to a daily routine for a few weeks. The plan is to have the kitchen finished by Sunday, following this approach. 

My next post will showcase the changes that I have done throughout the course of the week. I want to show what can be accomplished throughout one week, when a half-hour of daily focus is given to a room or project.



So, what are you working on this week? I'd love to know! Comment or link to your blog below: 

Kitchen - Pt. 2

Things have been progressing slower than I would like. Aside from washing as many dishes as possible, I've only had two days over the past week to further this project. Not having much time to push forward, I started pressuring myself, "okay, I should do this in one big chunk". I imagined how I might tackle it all in one day... then I started to feel overwhelmed. I had to remind myself that small parts move projects along quicker than big tasks do.

Living life in the midst of change is always a bit of a dance - two steps forward, one back. I've also been working on seeing boundaries with family so I can focus on my own priorities. That's harder than doing the actual work, I find.

Focus: Fridge & Coffee Nook Area

We cleaned out our fridge about a week ago, and we still need to go through a lot of food, so I didn't bother with the inside. First, I cleared all the junk we had hanging on the fridge, and arranged the magnets so everything looked neat. Then I cleared off the top of the fridge, cleaning the surface and replacing only the large container boxes (and a couple smaller ones that still have their items in them).

After that, I turned my attention to our current nook table/coffee area, and microwave/toaster set up. My husband has a huge collection of coffee that we are going to be working through, and a while ago I gave him a large basket to store the one-pound bags in. On top of that collection is a bag of vitamins and medicine that we haven't found a home for.

The biggest issue with the microwave/toaster area is that we have no counter space to set down plates when we are using these devices for food prep. It's lead to some interesting dinner prep balancing acts. 

Along with these areas, we also have a display case, that I had been storing in the kitchen. I got it for free at my parents storage unit, in a drop area where people leave things they don't want to keep. Because it's skinny, I knew it would fit well in our apartment, but up till now I wasn't sure how to incorporate it. 

I decided to put all the coffee bags in there, clearing out  the basket, and im very pleased with the result. There was enough space to put the coffee maker on the same table, getting it off our nook, and a little room on the front edge for coffee mugs when preparing our drinks. 

I then decided to turn our nook table, pulling it out from the wall, to give us more table space. Placing the microwave and toaster oven at the wall, we have more table space and the option to pop up both leaf's for a full table if needed.

Due to time and energy, I had to stop there. Leaving the table a bit cluttered and items strewn around the kitchen area. This is sometimes part of working thru spaces though. Especially with all the clutter we're sifting thru, there will be some areas that look messier before they are cleaned up and organized. The mess that comes from cleaning and reorganizing can really give a solid picture of how much extra stuff shouldn't be there. It's all part of the process. 

Financial focus:

Beyond our Minimalist Decluttering, we have begun tracking our finances down to the penny. My plan is to compare the last two months to our spending habits in August. My suspicion is that we can cut our food budget way down, but I'm curious to see if there are other areas we can cut from as well.

I've transitioned to a new day planner. One I purchased this at the end of last year, with blank months to fill in. Since it's a year-long planner, I thought it would line up nicely with the Spend Less Year and other goals o have for the next 52 weeks. 

It has multiple sections for notes and lists, and I'm actually tracking the first 10 days for the first week of August so that I start fresh on a Monday for the following week. I also don't want to waste any pages.

I had initially started traking our spending in the day planner, but it got way too crowded on the page. Moving forward we are going to track everything on a separate pad - just for finances - something we also already have at the house (thanks to my obsession with notebooks and office supplies).

What's new for you...?

I'm curious if anyone out there is doing anything similar to my project. Are you working on anything long-term? What's your approach? Please comment below!

1st Area - Kitchen

We are starting in the kitchen, because aside from the bathroom, it is the smallest room in the house. We have a small eating nook, coffee station, cookware and everything we need to keep the area self-contained. Hopefully meaning that once we clear it out, we can be finished with that area and functioning out of the room properly. 

Overall measurements:

The room itself is 9" by 11" but with our counters and appliances all on one wall, the usable space is more like 5" by 10" with a walkway on one end and an outside door on the other.

We have tried different arrangements for furniture, all in an attempt to create counter space that we don't actually have. At one point, we even had our 3'x5' dining table against the long wall across from our sink. It's definitely a work in progress.



Starting at the top:

When I surveyed the room, I realized that I would have to start small. So focused on the upper cupboards, above the counter space. We have three cupboards (if you count each separate unit as one) with six cupboard doors, running from the fridge, above the counters and sink, across the top of the stove.

I pulled open each cupboard and took a photo, giving myself a "before" snapshot of what we had been functioning out of. Then, starting from the left, I started to pull everything out of the cupboards, wiping down each surface, and reorganize where I wanted the items. Keeping in mind "ease of use", I moved the drinking glasses to just over the sink and lowered the glass Tupperware by one shelf.

I immediately pulled out anything that I knew we hadn't been using, leaving it on the counter as I sorted. I knew that we would have too many mugs, and I pulled out any plastic ware that we didn't need in favor of some of the nicer wear, like glass and porcelain. Then I put everything back together, and took new photos of the cupboards.

Even though things are a lot more organized, and a lot of the extra clutter has been removed, I am still not happy with how much I have left in my cupboards. Some of this is because we live in an apartment, and we don't have a full house space to spread things out. Some of this is because I'm afraid to let go more than I am ready to let go of... but I have decided that during this process I will be swift. Anything that I feel comfortable with will go, and the things that I don't feel comfortable with will stay, and I will probably go through this process more than once.



Wrap up:

I have not yet addressed what is being stored over the cupboards, or what is stacked above the fridge. I have plenty of spaces to dive into, and I think one small space at a time is going to be the best approach. At the completion of this room, I will share the full list of what we've removed.


What do you think?

Any pointers? What works for you? What's the smallest amount of dishes, cups, cookware you could see yourself happily owning? I'd love to hear your thoughts below.